


sleepy bus rides

by empaten02



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, brief mention of johnny and taeil, jaemin mind reader, some sexual contents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:28:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27125209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/empaten02/pseuds/empaten02
Summary: Na Jaemin is a mind reader. It's an amusing gift, albeit confusing at times and Lee Jeno's thoughts make his heart thump louder in his chest.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 182





	sleepy bus rides

**Author's Note:**

> oof, i'm back with a proper nomin fic!
> 
> this idea came very randomly and it stayed in the drafts for so long before i could even decide to give it a chance.
> 
> it's just a very chaotic jaemjen fic because they live rent free in my head i guess.
> 
> i hope you'll enjoy it, i had fun writing this.

Jaemin scrunches his nose for the third time that evening, sighing before he glares at Donghyuck who raises his eyebrows questioning him.

“What did Mark do this time? You’re being too loud” He asks letting the pen he was holding fall on the library table.

“Not my fault you can hear my thoughts, never asked for it” Answers annoyed Donghyuck, glaring back at his best friend.

Na Jaemin, like every other day, has been surrounded by different thinking minds stressing over exams, processing different options for a gift idea to the upcoming anniversary with their partners or flashes of embarrassing memories he sometimes laughs at when he accidentally hears them. 

Today Donghyuck’s tray of curses towards their friend Mark Lee is particularly loud to ignore as they’re trying to focus on their books while they still have some motivation in their first weeks of classes.

Being able to hear people’s thoughts is not as cool as it seems, he’s still learning to ignore most of them especially if he is in a public place like in this very moment, overwhelming different voices making it hard for him to concentrate. 

“Wait he kissed you?” Says too loud Jaemin suddenly and gets a glare from the librarian, an old lady usually fond of Jaemin’s charms he uses to compensate for his loud nature sometimes taking the best of him.

“Shut up” Murmurs Donghyuk, cheeks rosy.

“That's why you look so pissed, what is it? Is he a bad kisser?” Jokes the boy closing the book declaring himself too distracted by the news he got thanks to Donghyuck who decided to think about Mark kissing him yesterday, excited for the two. 

Of course he already knew Mark has feelings for Donghyuck, he’s a damn loud thinker but Jaemin never said anything for two specific reasons. 

First, him and Donghyuck made a few rules when it comes to Jaemin’s peculiar “Higher power”, as his best friend calls it. When it comes to relationships and family, generally serious matters that need to be discussed rather than read through thoughts Jaemin tries to ignore them as best as he can and stops his brain from reading minds. 

Second, Mark is particularly adorable when he mentally makes comments about Donghyuck’s beauty and how endearing he is. Hearing some good words about his best friend never hurts and he likes to listen to the way Mark usually panics before he even decides to speak to Donghyuck. Their kiss was eventful. 

“What about you? Any new admirer?” Smirks Donghyuck looking around the library to see if there's any cute guy Jaemin might like, he knows better. 

“No, a girl actually said I should dye my roots and she's right my hair is a mess”.

Donghyuck gasps excited and claps his hands “Can we do that when we get back home? Let's grab some hair dye”.

“Mh” Jaemin nods shortly, cheek resting on the palm of his hand “I’m tired of pink, wanna go natural” He says.

They end up discussing for ten full minutes in front of the hair products section in the supermarket near their apartment. Donghyuck is against Jaemin’s idea of getting black hair because it would be “too drastic”, pointing at lighter brown colors in the shades sample to persuade Jaemin.

“The pink underneath it makes the color prettier and it also hides your roots, trust me it is better than black” Stresses Donghyuck shaking the hair dye box in front of Jaemin’s eyes.

“You better listen to me dumbass” Hears Jaemin and glares at Donghyuck.

“I wish you could read my mind, dumbass” He stresses the last word “Okay we’ll go for this caramel color and if it doesn’t look good you’ll pay for the black hair dye”.

It turns out Donghyuck is right, the color is pretty and his hair looks significantly healthier, locks falling on his forehead under the tired expression that can’t really leave his face due the lack of sleep he’s been experiencing since classes started.

\--

Jaemin is overall having the worst morning of his life. That’s not exactly true, he’s just becoming way too dramatic as a consequence of living under the same roof as Donghyuck, who thinks he’s going to quit university whenever the tiniest inconvenience happens.

He woke up late, rushed to prepare his deathly morning coffee and ended up burning his wrist when it spilled out of the coffee maker because he forgot to turn off the stove in time. Ran to take the bus, sitting sweaty and uncomfortable on a free spot he was lucky enough to find. 

Oh, and he forgot his earphones. This may look like nothing too drastic but for a perfectionist like Jaemin, who loves to be ten minutes early to a class and have everything necessary with him, it's easy to feel discomfort when his routine gets messed up.

At least the weather is nice, warmer after an endless week of rain and greyish skies to make it even harder getting out of bed every morning. 

Jaemin looks out of the window, forehead pressing against it and even if the sunlight hurts his eyes he’s glad the road to his university is short and made of a green scenery with trees and the park view, already filled with brave runners and children holding their parents hands probably heading to school.

“The pink hair was pretty but he looks even more handsome today”.

Jaemin blushes when that thought speaks so clearly in his head, sovrasting all the voices repeating school notes or the one of an old man next to him reading in his head the newspaper. He checks if there’s someone else with pink hair on the bus but he finds no one, it is about him.

Jaemin wants to turn around and look for the potential owner of that precious thought managing to make his morning better. Luck not on his side, Jaemin could rarely hear the voices of other’s thoughts, they filtered through his mind with his own voice and sometimes it made it harder to recognize who was thinking.

He’s still unused to his gift. Jaemin thinks it has to do with some kind of unspoken compatibility, he was able to hear Donghyuck’s thoughts with the boy’s voice from day one while with Mark it took a while before he could hear the older’s voice properly. 

Or maybe his gift was being mean and unhelpful right now, because Jaemin can tell for sure it is a boy talking, well, thinking. That's another thing he can't quite explain to himself yet. How he is able to recognize when it's a male or a female voice even if he can't actually hear their real voices.

It’s too early when he reaches his stop and has to get up from the comfortable seat, gripping the bar to be steady on his feet, still waiting for his atrocious coffee to kick in and give him some life back.

When the vehicle stops he feels someone bumping on his back, saying a rushed and alarmed “Sorry!” that has Jaemin turning to meet the most attractive man he’s ever seen since he started studying sciences of communication.

Flushed cheeks, sharp features hosting a very gentle face with the prettiest apologetic smile on, leaving Na Jaemin speechless for a few seconds too long before he can tell the -looking around his age- boy it is fine, he’s not bothered at all.

Actually, to be honest, Jaemin is quite pleased at the sight. The boy raises his shoulders before he blushes even deeper, red cheeks on display and Jaemin finds himself with his mouth agape because this guy who randomly bumped into him really is even more beautiful with the rays of sun hitting his black hair from the now open door of the bus.

“I, uhm, this is my stop” Says the nameless boy tilting his head towards the bus door and Jaemin blinks twice before realizing he has to get down as well.

“Oh, yeah it is mine too, I’ll just” He gets down, clearing his throat because he knows Donghyuck would laugh his soul out if he was there to witness how ridiculous he looks right now. 

“Here” He gestures so the boy with black hair can exit the bus too, standing next to him, a few centimeters taller than Jaemin.

“I guess you’re a student” Jeno glances at his “University of Seoul” bag and Jaemin smirks, regaining some confidence as he licks his dry lips.

“Not that hard to guess, huh?” He smiles kindly “I’m Jaemin”.

“I think I saw you a few times, you had pink hair right?” Jeno has a nice eye smile accompanying his gentle voice, reminding Jaemin of a cat, with his intense eyes and black hair a bit messy probably from sleeping on the bus ride, lots of students did it and Jaemin never understood how they’re not anxious to wake up on the other side of the city.

“Oh I did, but my roots were ugly and I grew tired of pink” He shyly laughs, his usual confidence nowhere to be found, intimidated by the handsome student “And you are?”.

“Late for class, and also Jeno” Jaemin chuckles and looks at his watch widening his eyes.

“And now we’re both late” Gasps Jaemin, panicked face glancing from the ten minute walk he can manage to reduce by running towards his university and handsome Jeno staring at him.

His stomach flips when he reads a “Jaemin, it suits him” coming from Jeno's thoughts.

“It’s okay, I’ll run towards my class so you can go to yours, it was nice meeting you Jaemin”

“Hopefully seeing you around campus” Questions Jaemin as he starts departing from the boy towards the class he’ll be late for.

“I think we’ll just meet each other again on the bus” Jeno smiles and Jaemin would risk it all to go grab a coffee with him right now if that didn’t mean missing a day of Linguistics class he’s been struggling to understand since the class started.

“Have a good day Jeno” He gives him one last smile before he starts sprinting towards his faculty.

As Jaemin runs and feels his lungs burning reminding him he needs to attend the gym more often with Yukhei, he can’t help but think if it was Jeno calling him pretty on the bus earlier.

\--

“Stop smiling you’re giving me a headache” Donghyuck is laying on the couch, head on Mark’s legs, too busy playing on their playstation to even notice the way he sometimes threads his fingers in the younger’s hair or caresses his cheeks when the game is loading.

Jaemin can hear that Donghyuck is in fact noticing, thinking “Please don’t freak out, it’s just Mark” whenever the boy absently touches him with tenderness.

“What’s making you so happy?” Asks Mark and his voice cracks, he has a cold from never drying his hair after basketball practice with Jaehyun, Mark’s step brother Jaemin had a very big crush on when he was in high school and the older picked them up from the crappy parties they used to attend.

They laugh at the cute voice crack, mocking him immediately and Jaemin reaches them to the couch, sitting on the armrest.

“Is it possible to crush on someone you’ve talked to for less than five minutes?” He says.

“Yeah, you were crushing on Jaehyun after he said how cool it was to have a new little brother, I think you can do anything after that” Mark humors him and Jaemin raises an eyebrow at Donghyuck who is just thinking how bad he wants to kiss Mark right now.

“Hyuck, is making fun of me the way to your heart?” Says Jaemin threatening and Donghyuck sticks his tongue out “Always”.

“By the way, how is your mind reading thing going?” Asks Mark but Donghyuck is faster to slap his hand on top of the older’s mouth that Mark just gently kisses making the other flustered, amusing to Jaemin’s eyes.

“Don’t distract” The younger one says “Keep going with the crush, who is he?” Murmurs Donghyuck, red on the face.

“His name is Jeno, I actually don’t even know in which faculty he is” Raises his shoulders Jaemin “But someone thought I was pretty today on the bus, so maybe I should figure out who that person is first before catching feelings on another man, that would be sad”.

“Jaemin, people think you’re handsome everyday” Rolls his eyes Donghyuck “You really don’t know anything else about this Jeno boy?”.

“I think we’ll meet again on the bus, I had never seen him before”.

“I know a Jeno but I don’t think he’s your guy, he’s straight” Mark huffs when he gets killed on the game “And I think he also has a girlfriend, not too sure about that we talked twice”.

“I don’t think he’s your guy” Repeats Donghyuck getting up from the couch “Or it would be a pity”.

“Yeah I guess”.

But Jaemin knows your sexuality doesn’t make you unable to think a guy is pretty and he’s starting to worry that Mark’s Jeno might really be his Jeno. What a pity.

\--

If culture weighs on his brain as much as the books he's keeping in his bag does then Jaemin truly understands why he’s constantly fighting with a migraine.

He has to wait for more than an hour before he will see even the shadow of a bus so Jaemin decides going to visit -read: annoying- Renjun at the coffee shop he works at is a good idea.

Besides having a good and familiar company there, Jaemin also likes the sugary pastries he combines with the most bitter coffee more frequently that it’d be considered healthy, under Renjun’s severe stare alternated with the kind smiles he offers to clients when they order from him between their conversations.

It’s starting to get chilly at night, Jaemin of course doesn’t have a sweatshirt for that and the warmth of the coffee shop and the nice smell of food is tempting under the prospect of waiting on the cold metal of the bus stop benches for an entire hour.

He’s surprised to see it crowded with students gathering together to study or just having some conversation Jaemin doesn’t care about, his head immediately hurting from the endless voices in his head and inside the coffee shop.

“Extra loud huh?” Renjun winks at him, forearms sliding on the counter to press his chin on his hands, waiting for Jaemin to reach him on one of the stools in front of it.

“You have no idea” Groans Jaemin, shoulders slumping as he seats, the corner of his mouth raising up in a small smile “Long time no see Injunie”.

“We saw three days ago” Rolls his eyes Renjun, turning his back towards the coffee machine preparing something for his friend.

“That’s a long time, you make it seem like you can live without me” Fakes a gasp Jaemin and he hears the crystalline laugh of Renjun he likes so much.

“That I can” Renjun turns with a cappuccino cup, sliding it towards Jaemin and he sprinkles it with some chocolate powder “It’s decaffeinated, and healthier”. 

“Oh Huang Renjun, my savior!” Says loudly and dramatically Jaemin just for the sake of annoying the pretty waiter, pretending to faint by bending his spine back and as he turns his head slightly to the right he notices Jeno, laughing and sitting on a table with a beautiful girl with short platinum hair.

There're so many voices infiltrating his head right now but he hears a girl saying “Look it’s your boy” and what Jaemin knows the next few seconds is Jeno turning and locking eyes with him. Jeno looks surprised before he smiles with that graceful kindness that makes Jaemin’s heart thump louder in his chest, Jeno waving shyly at him.

He doesn’t notice Renjun getting closer to where he’s looking by sliding even further on the counter and whispers “Lee Jeno? Are you serious Jaemin?”.

Jaemin jumps on his seat, giving a shy nod to Jeno before turning to slap Renjun’s hand on his shoulder away, scoffing at the annoying smirk the silver haired boy has, definitely entertained to see Jaemin showing interest in anyone.

“And I thought we were going to get married at thirty, both still single and unwanted by the world” Pretends to dry his tears Renjun and Jaemin thinks he’s absurd, no wonder they’re so close now.

“Shut up he’s with his girlfriend right now, I don’t fall for straight boys” Jaemin sips his cappuccino “Even if he’s hot”.

“Okay but is he? Can’t you read his thoughts or something?”.

“Renjun! That is rude” Pouts Jaemin against the cup betweens his hands, glad for the hot beverage warming them.

He knows Jeno and pretty platinum hair girl are watching him, he feels their stares on his back and he’s scared to turn, not wanting to have a clear picture of them together to overthink about later.

“But you do that all the time” Says Renjun.

“I don’t read people’s thoughts on purpose! They just come to my head, and i’m trying to learn how to stop them” 

“But can’t you hear them right now? Pretend it’s not on purpose”.

Jaemin closes his eyes briefly but there’s too much noise, too many voices overlapping in his already tired mind.

“I can’t focus” Jaemin looks at Renjun, puckering his lips, cheeks pinker “I heard something before but I don’t think it’s them”.

“You have a gift like this and you’re still useless” Renjun eyes over a couple customers crowding in front of the pastries counter, ready to help them with their orders.

“Oh come on! It’s already obvious that Yukhei guy has a ridiculous crush on you or he wouldn’t be here every time you’re here, stop being bitter about me not reading his mind” Jaemin shakes his head at Renjun’s big sigh before he moves to work “I bet he came here today”.

“You’re annoying” Renjun tells him before going.

“This is awkward” 

“Oh he is so gonna think this is weird”

“Who cares do it”

Jaemin is already smiling before he turns at Jeno’s “Hey” coming from the boy now sitting on the stool next to him.

“And we ended up meeting a lot sooner than expected” Smiles Jaemin, forearm resting on the counter.

“It’s a small world” Raises his shoulders Jeno, glancing back at the girl he was with now checking, probably texting, on her phone.

“It’s a small university area” Jaemin carefully bites his lip before speaking “I see you left your date alone”.

Jeno widens his eyes before squeezing them into one of his beautiful eye smiles “Oh that’s Yeeun! I wanted to introduce her to you but I didn’t want to steal you from your date”.

There’s a glint in Jeno’s eyes that makes Jaemin lean in, comfortable where he’s sitting and wanting to cut Renjun’s throat when he hears him thinking “Bro that’s quite gay to me”.

“You mean him?” He purposely says it a bit louder for Renjun to hear, the boy has subtly got closer to the pair but Jaemin knows his proximity from how clear his thoughts are in that moment “He wouldn’t be my date even if he was the last man on earth”.

Renjun raises his middle finger at him with the biggest fake smile he could offer before preparing packages of food to go.

Jeno mildly puts his hand in front of his lips, probably trying not to laugh “By the way I’m joking, I would never assume anything”.

Jaemin moves a hand in dismiss, locking eyes with Jeno “You guessed correctly, no need to worry” He chuckles at Jeno’s confused expression “I-I don’t like Renjun, but girls are not my type”.

“Oh” Jeno glances at Yeeun who’s looking at the pair and Jaemin looks at her for a moment.

She has very pretty, perfect straight hair in a short cut that compliments her small face, sweet and fierce eyes at the same time with plum pink lips covered in a simple nude lipstick.

“I don’t mind at all” Jeno says and then hesitates for a moment, playing with his light blue sweater “She is Yeeun, I’m with her at that table but feel free to join us whenever you want”.

“Thank you, I think I will after catching up a bit with that one” Jaemin points at the waiter entertaining a client’s kid as he prepares their order.

“Tell him Yukhei says hi” Jeno tells him.

“You know Yukhei?” Jaemin is surprised, it really is a small area.

“I do, we’re in the same faculty” 

“I’ll let him know, tell Yukhei to stop being a coward and slide his number in Renjun’s apron or something like that, he is a big boy I know he can do that”.

Jeno starts genuinely laughing now, straight teeth on display and Jaemin feels that. He can’t believe he is feeling things for a boy who’s clearly taken with a girlfriend waiting for them to finish talking.

It’s not a long encounter anyway and Jaemin still knows nothing about Jeno, he guesses Yeeun wouldn’t mind.

“They’re hopeless, aren’t they?” Jeno gets up from the stool “See you later Jaemin”.

This is a resume of what Jaemin learns in the next half hour. Yeeun after a first shy word to Jaemin is witty and teases Jeno so much he had to control the tears from how much he laughed. They’re both aeronautical engineering students and they met because Yeeun was one of the few girls in Jeno’s classes and he didn’t like the way some guys were objectifying her. Jeno had the need to make sure no one was bothering her, which Jaemin finds adorable and shows how great Jeno is. He makes sure to tell him, and to Yeeun amusement she has another chance to tease the boy.

“How did you guys meet?” Asks Yeeun, tucking a strand of hair behind her pierced ear, a small pearl earring giving her a simple elegance Jaemin envies.

“Like you don’t already know” Jaemin hears Jeno thinking and he tries not to smile.

“On the bus, quite boring to be honest” Admits Jaemin and gets a bit alarmed at Yeeun’s sarcastic comment when she thinks “Yeah sure”. He tries to ignore the two’s thoughts and keep a normal conversation.

“I hope I’m not the boring part of the story” Mischievously tells him Jeno and Jaemin opens his mouth, amuse glinting in his eyes watching the couple between him.

“Trust me, you” Jaemin points at Jeno “And you” He eyes Yeeun who seems to be attentive studying Jaemin “Are the only entertaining part of this whole thing”.

“And that’s what matters!” Says happily Yeeun, Jaemin hears her thinking “I think I get it, this boy’s a catch” and Jaemin wants to raise an eyebrow at her but it would be weird.

“I would love to toast but all I have here is vanilla tea instead of my usual tequila, it’s quite sad” Yeeun sighs dramatically and Jeno is looking at her so fondly Jaemin feels like he shouldn’t be there, like he’s interrupting them.

“We should get drinks together one time” Suggests Jeno and Jaemin nods at him, liking the idea.

“I thought going to university was my time to shine at parties’ dance halls but in reality my roommate and I are living of sad romcoms and home cooked meals” Jaemin traces the borders of his second cup of coffee “Even if he already started disappearing at his boyfriend’s house, soon I’ll be alone”.

“Oh my god Jaemin, this is a pity party situation” Yeeun chuckles clasping her slim fingers together.

“Friday night, we’re going out” She seriously points at Jaemin’s chest “And bring that waiter friend of yours, Yukhei would be happy”.

After saying goodbye to Yeeun who has to rush at the train station and begs the two boys to not accompany her because “I can handle a few creeps if I meet them” and a stern “It won’t happen!” to Jeno and a quick cheek kiss to said boy, they’re walking together in the growing darkness of late evening towards the bus stop, only less than ten minutes left before their ride home is going to arrive.

They’re quiet, or at least, only for Jeno it feels quiet because Jaemin can hear him complaining it got cold and the thin sweater he’s wearing isn’t enough, scolding himself for not bringing a jacket.

“I’m sorry you’re cold” He blurts out before even thinking and Jaemin feels like slapping himself. 

“Is it that obvious?” Jeno asks, eyes wide.

Yes, thinks Jaemin, we’re going with it. Jeno looks like he is cold, his teeth are lightly chattering.

“You’re keeping your arms folded” Jaemin shifts a bit closer to Jeno, he’s not sure why “I forgot to bring a jacket too or I would have given it to you” He finishes with an apologetic smile.

“You look like you’re cold too, I would have let you keep it” Huffs Jeno but it ends up in a small laugh.

“This is actually my favorite season, even if recently the weather changes so suddenly I’m not sure if seasons exist anymore”.

“I’m not sure if I have a favorite season” Says Jeno but it feels like he’s talking to himself more than to Jaemin.

They end up waiting with their shoulders touching, giving off a type of different warmth to Jaemin, a content feeling. Jeno is a nice company, not overbearing, not embarrassed or too quiet. 

\--

Jaemin’s week is passing by quickly, his schedule is tight and he spends pretty much everyday rushing from a class to another, to have pauses where he goes annoy Renjun if he has a shift there and spends his nights cuddling with Donghyuck watching Emily in Paris until one of them falls asleep.

He’s surprised to find Mark’s message when he checks his phone after his last morning class texting him to come at his house to smoke.

He knocks on the door and Mark opens it, disheveled hair and glossy lips departed standing still on the threshold.

“Are you high or drunk?” Asks Jaemin tilting his head to the side, usual teasing smirk on display. 

“None of them” Mark furrows his eyebrows, moving to the side for Jaemin to walk in.

Donghyuck is behind him, bruised neck, flushed cheeks and in the same state as Mark.

He opens his mouth in an “o” shape and whispers “Now I get it”, receiving a weak playful punch on his stomach from Donghyuck. “Idiot” He tells him.

On the balcony he recognizes Johnny and Taeil, Mark’s brother's friends and Jaemin just has to turn around to find shaped arms hugging him with affection, the fresh smell of cologne filling his nostrils.

“Jaehyunie” He makes the “e” longer and closes his eyes at Jaehyun’s chest vibrating against his cheek with the low laugh he emits.

There’s something Jaemin never really shared with Mark and Donghyuck, the reason being one of the rules they set when it comes to his gift.

Jaehyun since senior year, at least for what he knows considering it was the first time he could hear others thoughts, has been thinking about Jaemin in a way he never thought he would. 

Jaemin did in fact had a stupid crush for Mark’s step brother for the longest time but back then he lacked confidence and when he started to hear for the first time Jaehyun wanting to kiss him whenever they were alone, or thinking about sliding his hands under his shirt when he sometimes sat on his lap it really changed a lot for him.

He never knew someone like Jaehyun could find him attractive, but since then Jaemin particularly enjoyed teasing the older and openly flirting just to get his sweet revenge by telling him stuff like “I’m so glad you’re like a bigger brother, you always take care of us!”.

Now it was even funnier, Jaemin grew some self confidence and knew he was attractive, he just lacked time and rarely sees Jaehyun, this is the first time they’re meeting in a while.

“How is it going, doll face?” Smiles Jaehyun with his dimples and attractive aurea that made him blush crazy when he was younger, now at the age of 20 Jaemin confidently traces Jaehyun’s cheek, a chuckle leaving his lips as the older looks at him a bit too intensely.

“Doll face? You’re already far gone my dude” He detaches slowly from the older’s warm embrace and slaps his butt playfully, moving towards the balcony to greet the other boys.

Taeil looks sober but Jaemin is suspicious, remembering the oldest crazy alcohol tolerance, not trusting the beer he’s keeping in his hands to be the first one of the day.

“You two are still fucking?” He points at Johnny and Taeil laughs, shaking his head.

“Hi Jaemin! I’m doing great, what about you?” He sarcastically answers.

“I might become a virgin again, Taeil is depriving me of everything” Johnny keeps his hands around Taeil’s waist and the shorter boy leans in, pressing the top of the bottle against Johnny’s lips to take a sip.

“You got taller” Tells him Johnny, a lazy smile “I bet you have all boys in line for you now”.

Jaemin looks fondly at the way Johnny’s hand is much bigger; it covers Taeil’s smaller one in a warm hold.

“Why are we all here by the way? Mark texted me so randomly I didn’t expect you to be here”.

“Mark missed us all hanging around together, aren’t you happy to see us?” Taeil pinches his cheek, he missed the older’s bright voice.

“Of course I did, we better have a Twilight movie marathon with Hyuck again or I’ll be offended”.

They’re sprawled around the living room. Jaemin on the single couch, with his legs crossed and an economy book of Mark’s old roommate he’s flipping through absently.

Jaehyun is sitting on the armrest next to him, smoking and keeping the joint around his slim fingers for him to inhale.

Jaemin’s mother would definitely not be proud of him right now, himself feeling like he’s detaching to most of the things he thought he’d never do when he’s older.

Never smoking is one of them. But life changes you, different places and living alone brings you to choices you’re not completely proud of, mainly they give you a small and constant feeling you’re not as innocent as you thought you would be in your life. 

Jaemin has occasional one night stands, uses cuss words and sometimes he smokes, and from the perspective of life he has right now as a 20 year old boy these details about his it doesn’t make him a bad person, not at all.

“So” Taeil is starting to get high and Jaemin can tell from the drowsy eyes and slower movements, leaning even closer towards Johnny’s body.

“You two are dating, congrats” He points at Mark and Donghyuck who are sitting next to them to the couch and the younger one says “Not yet”.

Taeil squeezes his eyes at them “You will soon” and then locks eyes with Jaemin, already feeling the question coming at him like when you’re forced to say every year that you’re still single during a Christmas dinner with your family.

“He tells me nothing, is he hiding something?” Taeil asks Mark and the boy laughs loudly, making Donghyuck jump next to him from the sudden noise.

“Mark” Jaemin closes the book on his legs, head leaning towards Jaehyun’s forearm.

“It is your Jeno” He tells him.

“Oh no, straight Lee Jeno?” Mark’s eyes are so wide it makes his face funny, Donghyuck now turning towards his best friend as well, all eyes on Jaemin in the room.

“Yeah, straight Lee Jeno '' He lets his head shift even further until it reaches Jaehyun’s lap and the older threads his fingers in Jaemin’s hair almost immediately, feeling very comfortable under the nice hands massaging his scalp.

“Man I’m sorry” Mark’s voice comes out higher than he intended and Johnny doesn’t lose the chance to mock him.

“Even though Renjun says he’s not so sure he is straight” Says Jaemin but it’s useless, he doesn’t really have that hopeful outcome of the situation, Yeeun is the coolest girl he’s ever met and Jaemin really gets it. Jeno decided to date her, it just makes sense. He’s not a homewrecker.

“How does Renjun know?” Asks Johnny and it makes Donghyuck chuckle knowing Johnny never met Renjun in his life, but here they are, all invested in Jaemin’s love life like old curious uncles.

“Who even is Renjun?” Asks Taeil looking at his boyfriend and then at Jaemin.

“Jeno is Renjun’s usual customer” Jaemin moves a hand in dismiss, completely ignoring some details that would make the older boys understand “I met his girlfriend, Yeeun is really nice and she was amazing with me I would never do anything to make it awkward”.

“Did he introduce her as his girlfriend?” Asks Johnny.

Jaemin hums and thinks for a moment about their encounter “I don’t think he did?” he sounds unsure “But they have that complicity, they’re a couple”.

“I understand” Whispers Donghyuck, it’s also his first time hearing what Jaemin thinks about the whole situation.

“But is Jeno nice? And also this Yeeun girl” Asks Taeil.

Jaemin grabs one of Jaehyun’s hands that were in his hair, playing with his fingers and Jaehyun gently holds his hand, keeping it in his lap when Jaemin raises his head up again to face his older friends.

“Oh god yes, they’re the nicest people, they made me feel so at ease”.

“Then it’s good, keep the friendship!” Taeil smiles at him and he feels like he’s in high school again, spending lunchtime inside the music club room eating sandwiches while listening to Taeil’s amazing piano skills “Crushes tends to disappear with time, you know better” He finally winks at him nudging with his head at Jaemin’s intertwined hands with Mark’s brother.

Maybe he subconsciously trusts Taeil, a psychology student, but Jaemin feels he’s right.

They keep talking and Jaemin eventually gets on Jaehyun’s lap, eyes rolling and laughing at the older telling him about his classmate keeping the mic on during an online class while he was mercilessly insulting his professor without knowing anyone could hear them.

“That must be terrible, I can’t even think of it!” Jaemin laughs, he’s happy like this.

He likes contact, to have people close and Jaehyun is warm now that the evening is getting colder and they can’t really close the balcony door when they’re still smoking or they won’t breathe.

Jaemin can feel the older thinking about Jeno and how he doesn’t deserve him. He recently opened up to them about his mind reading gift and Jaemin thinks he’s doing it on purpose to bring up the topic in his head so he speaks for him.

“Who do I deserve then?” Jaemin puts an arm around the boy’s neck to shift more comfortably on his legs and Jaehyun grabs his waist to help him, legs thrown over the armrest.

“Just thinking you’re a bit wasted for straight Jeno” He gives him his addicting smile and Jaemin thinks it would be so easy to kiss Jaehyun right now, he knows he wants him and sure it won’t be too awkward after it, them rarely see each other already helping.

“Are you saying you’re better?” He teases and Jaehyun bites his lip to hold a laugh back.

Jaemin really feels like kissing the older would be a good idea right now, a part of him knowing it’s just the alcohol making him needier than usual and probably sober Jaemin doesn’t need a hook up.

“Nah, I just mean you should consider people who are actually interested in you”.

“You should start considering having fun with me, you know I can give you a good time” He thinks to let Jaemin know.

“You are impossible” Jaemin kisses his cheek instead, getting up from Jaehyun’s legs to get behind him, whispering his next words after biting his lobe, noticing the way the older shivers, not expecting such a move.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, trust me I know you would feel so good”.

He smirks when Jaehyun thinks “Fuck that was hot Jaemin”

“But I also care about Mark, he wouldn’t be happy to know you keep fucking around, especially if it’s with me”.

Jaehyun’s gaze is heavy on him for the rest of the night and it’s hard to ignore, hopefully the others are too far gone to notice.

But he can’t escape the way he almost got in bed with Mark’s brother when Donghyuck once they're alone in the kitchen tells him “What the fuck is going on between you two?”.

“Nothing, nothing’s going to happen you can sleep peacefully tonight” Answers bitterly Jaemin before he goes to sleep in the temporary guest room that used to belong to Taeyong, Mark’s old roommate.

\--

It’s easy to fall into routine, and one where there’s the daily prospect of spending even ten minutes with Lee Jeno feels extremely nice, so nice he fears it will be over soon.

Today they’re at the park Jaemin usually only sees from the bus window when he goes to classes, finding some peace under the softer rays of sun of October, escaping the crowded university aerea after realizing they both have two hours off before the next class.

Jeno is fumbling with his hands, making a daisy crown and Jaemin is speechless at the way he seems so used to doing it.

“How are you so good at this?” Jaemin looks at Jeno hovering him, he’s half sitting and half laying in the grass.

“I used to do them for my little cousin and her friends whenever I had to babysit them” Jeno rests the crown on top of Jaemin’s hair.

“Do I look good?” Asks Jaemin, sitting straight and cupping his own face with his hands.

“Prettier than the flowers” Jeno thinks and Jaemin blushes before the other can even verbally answer.

“Very good” Jeno looks up to the sky, eyes automatically closing by the strength of daylight hitting his face on a day where there’s no clouds and everything seems peaceful.

“I’m glad I met you Jeno” Admits Jaemin, taking the flower crown in his hands to look at it.

“I love Donghyuck, he’s my best friend and I would never trade him for anyone but” He traces the petals of a daisy “I feel like I was really asking for a friend, deep down, I might look sociable but I don’t have many friends here”.

“Fate stumbled on a bus stop I guess” Jeno smiles at him “If you believe in fate, if not then I guess your wish was listened to by someone up there”.

“And if you don’t even believe in someone higher than us then we’re just to very lucky people” Jeno puts his hand on Jaemin’s knee, thumb tracing lightly over the black skinny jeans he’s wearing “You’re the most pleasing company I’ve had in a while, I have fun with you no matter what we do”.

“The most pleasing?” Jaemin is ready to tease but there’s something keeping him from really smiling “What about Yeeun?”.

Jeno has a bright smile on now, the one full of fondness and memories Jaemin wishes he could see without coming across them with his gift, he wants Jeno to open up.

“Yeeun is a hurricane. I like to believe I found her but she found me” Jeno is lost in his thoughts, hand now caressing up towards his thigh, Jaemin knows he’s not even noticing.

“I was not even sure of what to do with my life and leaning on her gave me the strength to get on the right path again”.

“I left my disappointed parents so the only thing I can really do is get a degree in the faculty they wanted me to study, Yeeun helped me to find happiness into something I felt like a cage”

“I can’t really tell this Jaemin, it would bring the mood down, let’s keep it light today”. Jeno's inner voice says.

Jaemin feels bad, he already feels the way his eyes are heavy and hates invading so much Jeno’s privacy, he clearly doesn’t want to share all of this but there’s nothing he can do. There’s only them in this corner of the park and he can hear Jeno’s thoughts, now they grew closer with the boy’s voice, so loud and clear.

“I’m sorry” He whispers, hand on top of the one Jeno is keeping on his leg.

“For what?” Jeno whispers back, not sure why, no one can really hear them from where they are.

“I’m not sure why I’m saying sorry” He takes Jeno’s hand between his “I just hope you’re happy now and your hurricane girlfriend helps you with it”.

“You’re helping me too”, Jeno tells him.

“Did he say girlfriend?”.

Jaemin turns to Jeno, eyes confused for a moment studying the peaceful expression he has soaking under the sun for a few last minutes before they’re back bending on uncomfortable chairs looking up to find the blinding light of the projector at their next lesson.

Jaemin’s intentions are not so different from the usual, he’s planning to annoy Renjun for an hour before going home but on his regular -stool- spot there’s a much taller and broader figure Jaemin recognizes as Yukhei.

Wong Yukhei, staring at Renjun like he hangs up the stars in the sky, puppy eyes and muscled arms on display under a black shirt. 

Everyone stares at the boy whenever he enters a room, how could he blame them, Yukhei is the result of every smooth feature, body shape and look the masculine side of society aims to be, yet it’s been months of swooning over the smaller and fiery waiter who is obviously attracted to the one.

It’s a surprise to see them talking, really. Yukhei spends even hours, ordering stuff for his friends just so he can have a chance to talk again to Renjun when he comes to the coffee shop, not really understanding why someone like him has such a low self esteem.

Renjun, being obviously confused, asked Jaemin endless times to read Yukhei’s mind and tell him if he could make the first move. Obviously Jaemin knows the tall boy is trying to ask the waiter out for the longest time, but he doesn’t wanna rob him the chance to mature and learn how to get something if you really want it by giving it the easy way with his gift's help.

It seems like Yukhei is brave today.

Not wanting to disturb the two lovebirds, Jaemin rushes to Taeyong behind the counter, excited to see him and waiting for him to notice.

“Yong! I thought you already left” Taeyong looks at him and his eyes sparkle with happiness and that comfortable feeling the older has with him he can’t explain.

“I am tomorrow. I wanted to have a shift here for the last time, I would miss all of this so much” Lee Taeyong, kind Taeyong already preparing Jaemin’s order he knows by heart by now.

He won a scholarship in a prestigious Italian university and Taeyong was almost about to give it all up if it wasn’t for Mark and Doyoung encouraging him to do it.

They’re all aware the main reason is Kim Doyoung. Taeyong’s best friend, practically his soulmate, Jaemin remembers coming home to hang out with Mark when the news was out and hearing the older fighting at the phone with his best friend, just to have Doyoung ringing the doorbell after a while to make up.

He’s looking for a single table to sit when Renjun calls him.

“Ignoring me?” The playful voice is enough for Jaemin to turn around and see Yukhei’s eyes on him, waving.

“I see you’re being entertained just fine without me”.

Yukhei laughs quietly and it’s satisfying to see Renjun blushing, a small victory for him.

“By the way I just came by to ask if you wanna get drinks tonight”.

“Trying to steal my date?” Asks him Yukhei under his damn good looking face and Jaemin thinks Renjun kind of won the lottery.  
“I’m joking, Yeeun asked me to come as well” He gestures at the empty stool next to him for Jaemin to sit and he hesitates until Renjun thinks “You can come, it might make me more productive not being alone with him”.

Jaemin sometimes wishes someone else could read his thoughts, it’s so tiring having his friends sharing secrets without externalize them verbally while if he wants to confess something he doesn’t have his inner voice as a safe bubble. It makes it harder to open up.

Jaemin holds himself tighter in the black leather jacket he’s wearing, under it a thin dress shirt he decided to wear forecasting the humid and sweaty air inside clubs. 

“Hey Jaemin you look good!” Yeeun hugs him, the smell of coconut shampoo and perfume gentle on her skin. She leaves a kiss on his cheek, light enough to not stain with her red lipstick.

She seems happy to see him, it makes his conscience lighter.

“Jeno and Renjun are inside, trying to get us a table” Yeeun watches her phone light up under the long cured nude nails of her hand, checking it.

“Time to get in, throw that cancer stick in the trash” She warns Yukhei, holding both boys’ hands.

It’s at times like these where Jaemin can’t understand if this is how Yeeun is with her friends and Jeno accepts it or he got caught in the biggest misunderstanding ever and they’re not even dating in the first place.

Jaemin never saw them actually kissing now that he thinks about it. Yeeun kisses Jeno on the cheek, holds his hand or hugs him but these are the same kind of things she does with Jaemin too.

The club music is loud, but not enough to not hold a conversation in the cornered angle where their booth is.

The table is of a shiny black wood and the air even if sticky with the amount of people already dancing on the dance hall, more like pressing to each other at a music’s rhythm Jaemin feels relieved when he can comfortably remove his jacket and not feel cold as he sits on the booth couch.

“He looks good” Jeno thinks and Jaemin turns to find him coming towards them, Renjun next to him thinking “You bastard showing off”.

Jaemin feels confident tonight. He wore a white dress shirt knowing it gets a little see through with the club lights, unbuttoned enough to show his sharp collarbones and a maybe if a curious eye fell a bit more of his chest, a thin silver necklace decorating the exposed skin.

Jaemin is drinking his malibù and pineapple drink, cold liquid burning on his throat carefully watching the way Yukhei has thrown an arm around Renjun’s small shoulders, his friend noticing the protectiveness of his stares and reassures him it is fine, Renjun is enjoying the attention.

“Ah, what a time to be single” Jaemin says sarcastically and low to not get really noticed, eyeing the people dancing enthusiastically to a song Kim Jungwoo, regular dj of the club apparently everyone knows, is playing.

“Idiot tell him now!” Jaemin turns hearing Yeeun’s voice in his head, she’s ridiculously raising her eyebrows at Jeno and he pretends he didn’t notice, still sipping on his drink like it’s tea.

“I know what you mean but it makes no sense to tell him now” Jeno tells himself and Jaemin is curious, is ‘he' him or are they talking about someone else?

He also finds amusing the way the couple communicate through expressions and they manage to understand each other, even when they lack a gift like Jaemin’s.

“Why aren’t you making it obvious you really are a dumbass, you’re creating even more chaos”

Yeeun seems worried, more impatient and he can feel it in the way she’s stomping her boots on the floor, ending up hitting Jaemin’s shoes.

“That was my foot”, He says.

“Sorry darling” She lets a faint laugh out and is about to keep talking when she stops and Jaemin feels a warm hand pressing at his shoulder, turning to find Jaehyun behind him.

“Na Jaemin out at this hour of the day, what a sight for sore eyes”

Jaemin is happy to see the older. Despite the teasing, recent heavy flirting and the way Jaehyun has expressed clearly he wants to bring Jaemin to bed for the sake of having fun the male is still great company.

“And that is straight Lee Jeno, you’re so predictable Jaem” He winks at him.

“Take a seat and introduce yourself, you wild dog!” Rolls his eyes Jaemin leaning in the tempting embrace Jaehyun has when he sneaks an arm around his waist, surprised by the way Jeno’s eyes seem to be burning on their hold.

“I’m Jung Jaehyun, Mark’s brother” The charming older boy shows his dimples and Jaemin thinks it is extremely entertaining to hear Yeeun’s very impure thoughts.

“They didn’t meet Mark yet, they only heard stories about him” Points Jaemin.

“Only bad ones I hope” Jokes Jaehyun and Yeeun chuckles with them, Jeno indecipherable expression after a small glare at the girl.

“Fucking idiot, now suffer” It’s still Yeeun and Jaemin is sure she means Jeno and wonders if they fought before coming there.

“What are you doing here?” Jaemin asks, slapping Jaehyun’s hand tickling his waist, the older seems so lively tonight it’s contagious, magnetic he might say.

“I was about to tell you but Renjun and Yukhei are too busy being all over each other to even say hi” He raises his voice so the two love birds can notice him, Renjun detaching from the very close proximity with Yukhei.

“Who cares I see you everyday” Renjun scoffs, folding his arms and spine resting properly against the couch.

“Didn’t miss you” Continues Yukhei and Jaemin looks at Jeno who’s finally smiling as well, a rush of relief that makes him release the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“I was out with Taeyong and Doyoung who are currently making out, I might say finally” Jaehyun steals briefly Jaemin’s glass to clink it against Yeeun raised one “So I’m just letting them be, they deserve this night”.

“Why did it take so long? Taeyong’s leaving tomorrow” Renjun furrows his eyebrows, feeling sorry for his trusted coworker he’s definitely going to miss. They’re all going to miss kind Taeyong, always knowing what to do to take care of them.

Jaemin sighs “They tried to avoid getting hurt until they realized they will eventually be hurt anyway, I think it’s good they at least have this memory, isn’t it?”.

“I don’t know what their story is but I’m glad they stepped out and risked it, they have nothing to lose” Yeeun says looking directly at Jeno.

“I don’t think it’s nothing to lose” He hears Jeno.

“Sorry Jen I know you’re going to hate me but you need a little push” Yeeun thinks like she's answering Jeno.

“Let’s celebrate, shots are on me” Says Jaehyun letting them know he will be back soon. Apparently this man knows even the current owner of the club, someone that used to go to his same university but already graduated. Someone named Yuta, if Jaemin heard correctly.

“And I’m going to use the restroom” Jeno says quietly getting up from his seat, disappearing in the violet lights of the corridor leading to the bathrooms.  
“Jaehyun’s a fun one” Says Yeeun “Too bad he’s all over you” She sighs dramatically and Renjun’s eyes have a mischievous glint that promises trouble. Jaemin anticipates nothing good will come out of his mouth.

“What? I thought you are with Jeno” Renjun looks at Jaemin, hesitating “We both thought you are a couple”.

Yukhei and Yeeun start laughing uncontrollably, the boy pointing at the beautiful blonde clutching at his stomach.

“Jeno? Are you guys being serious?” She tries to stop the tears from falling after laughing too hard, knowing her perfect makeup will get ruined.

“Jeno is one of the most attractive guys out there I know, but it would feel like kissing my brother”.

Jaemin has his mouth open and tries to smile while watching the girl regaining her posture, with a twitch of her drawn eyebrow as she eyes him.

“Why are you so surprised?” She smirks “Want to get your hands on Jeno?”.

“Oh yeah he does” Thinks Renjun and Jaemin glares at him.

“You never denied it, I’m processing the information” He says instead.

“Well you never asked” She tells him kindly, scooting closer so she can face Jaemin, holding his hand.

“You know I’m joking. I’m really glad Jeno has a friend like you, it might help him to see things differently, open up” Yeeun sighs “We make everything that regards our emotions so complicated and it’s useless, I want him to loosen up”.

“I’m not sure I’m understanding what you’re trying to say here…”.

“Mh, I think you know” Yeeun pinches Jaemin’s cheek “In the meanwhile, let’s have fun tonight”.

The night goes out in a blur. They have shots at the table, Jaemin is content and feels alive, bitter and burning alcohol down his throat under the louder and amplified music for his senses and at one point the worried stares of a waitress bringing shots at their table for the third time.

He’s not sure he can read others' thoughts at this point of the night, his mind clouded clinging to Jaehyun on the dance floor to avoid falling. Maybe he feels a bit sad seeing Jeno not approaching him as much as he usually does, not sure of how to act around him now.

“Too bad you have a crush Na” Jaehyun tells him, hands firm on his hips swaying between the sweaty crowd of the club.

“Jeno is beautiful, inside and out and Yeeun said weird things” Slurs Jaemin and he feels Jaehyun’s chest vibrating with his deep laugh he usually finds attractive, right now distracted by the thought of Jeno only a few meters apart from him and how much he wants to reach him, talk to him considering the complications in the action caused by how much he drank.

He's glad being this drunk won't have any of his friends allowing him to make a move on the boy.

“Oh i see that, you are too Jaem” The older cups his cheek “I can tell your feelings are getting serious about this guy and I trust you he is worth it but please, don't ever settle down for someone who doesn't deserve you”.

“I could kiss you right now, you know?” Jaemin is drowsy and that makes Jaehyun laugh even harder, clinging at the boy to avoid him falling against someone else's dancing body.

“It would be so much easier, you care a lot about me” He sounds muffled against the boy’s shoulder.

“You're so fucking wasted”.

\--

Jaemin wakes up with the worst headache ever, groaning against his cushion. 

It’s raining outside and that doesn’t help his lack of energy, slowly dragging himself out of bed just to wash up and take a medicine, sliding again inside the comfortable bed.

He figures it’s around two in the evening when he hears knocking on his bedroom door, thinking it’s Donghyuck checking up on him.

“I’m still alive”, He says, face smashed against the pillow.

“That’s the minimum”.

Jaemin half sits when the familiar low and sweet voice of Jeno anticipates the pretty boy’s face, wearing comfortable clothes and looking like he just showered, black hair a bit messy.

“Hyuck let me in” Jeno walks in when Jaemin pats on the spot next to his bed, sitting close.

“Welcome to my room, it’s not that great” Jaemin is shy.

He’s not sure if it is because Jeno is looking around the safest room of his university life or if the realization it is the boy he has a crush on now reading the class schedule he has taped on the wall to make him nervous.

“I came here but I was afraid you were not alone”. Jeno admits, one of Jaemin’s books in hand after sitting on his desk chair. 

Jaemin seems like a very chaotic person on the outside albeit he likes to be clean, everything organized well in the small space of his room.

Donghyuck has a bigger room but Jaemin claimed this one when he saw how bright it gets in the morning, sunlight usually filtering through, giving Jaemin a reason to not be unproductive.

Today is cloudy and he doesn’t really mind when Jeno is here, implying something that will probably have him opening up to Jaemin.

“Jaehyun? I would never do that to Mark” He thinks the better way to explain is through honesty, Jaemin is learning to be better at that recently.

“So you do like him” Jeno’s answer is fast and has a point of what seems like jealousy, unfortunately he’s not so full of himself to realize his guess is right.

“Don’t you?” He raises his shoulder catching Jeno’s blushing. Not surprised, Jaehyun is objectively very attractive.

“Oh you do” Jaemin sounds excited, remembering how suspicious Renjun was about Jeno’s sexuality and he thinks Yukhei might have something to do with it, being a close friend of the black haired boy.

“He” Jeno poses the book on the desk, sitting on the edge of Jaemin’s bed “He’s not really my type”.

“Who is your type?”.

“You” Jeno’s thinking answer is fast and Jaemin ends up blushing deeply, hot cheeks when the other tilts his head at him, comfortable when he moves under the comforter with Jaemin, despite looking nervous.

“I don’t want to push you into telling me anything Jeno” Jaemin lays on the side and invites Jeno to do the same “But yesterday Yeeun told me you’re not dating and that’s what I thought all this time”.

Jeno scoffs in surprise, eyes closing into half moons and exposing his hand from under the blankets to cover his smiling mouth. 

“You did what?” He says now laughing.

“You look close” Jaemin complains lowly “But when Yeeun and I got closer as friends I realized she just likes skinship, that’s when I got suspicious”.

“Did she tell you anything else?” Jeno asks more seriously now, torturing his bottom lip.

“Not really… besides saying you would feel like kissing her brother” Jaemin grins at him.

Jeno takes a deep breath, not smiling back, like he’s trying to organize his next words. Jaemin hears them but he can’t really understand, there’s a lot going through Jeno’s mind in such a few seconds. 

“My parents aren’t too accepting, I’m keeping my studies to try and not let them down even more” Jeno lowers his gaze, curling where he’s laying on the bed “I’m not very comfortable with who I am. Yeeun is great, she came around the perfect time and I need her more than she needs me”.

“You know that’s not true” Says Jaemin, hand resting at Jeno’s covered shoulder, encouraging him to keep going.

“She helped me see things for how they are, how I want to see them if I don’t overthink it. It’s not that I'm ashamed or not proud of the way I am. I just haven’t had time to experience myself fully yet, to have that freedom because the way I grew up didn’t allow it. I hope you won’t mind”.

That feels like a bucket of cold water splashing against him with a force that gives you a few seconds before you can even speak or scream at how freezing it is. Jeno is coming out to him.

“Jeno” Jaemin is incredulous “I am gay, why would I be against it?”. 

“Sorry. Before I came here it felt like I disappointed everyone, like I shouldn’t feel what I feel and I guess I’m used to hoping for a better reaction, used to have people looking at me like I’m a different Jeno when I tell them”.

“Come here” Jaemin opens his arms and Jeno crawls between the safe grip, nose dipping in the space between Jaemin’s neck and shoulder, breathing the shower gel fragrance mixed with Jaemin’s warmth of his skin.

“You’re not wrong, not a different Jeno. Still the same handsome, kind and beautiful Jeno”.

Jaemin plays with Jeno’s thick black hair at his nape “That’s how I see you, how everyone sees you. I’m so glad you felt safe enough to let me know this, I know it’s hard for you”.

“Can I stay here?” Mumbles Jeno and Jaemin hopes he won’t feel how loud his heart is beating in his throat.

“I feel safe with you, please let me stay for today” Jeno doesn't voice it out.

“You can stay as long as you like, Jeno”.

\--

Jaemin might think he is delusional but it’s obvious their dynamic starts to change since that hangover day in his bedroom.

Jeno is an usual guest to Jaemin and Donghyuck’s apartment, much to the latter's contempt because “You’re here rent free and you have the audacity to mock how I am in bed with Mark” and Jeno’s usual answer “Not my fault you two are so loud”.

Jeno always longs for touches, Jaemin never thought he would be so clingy.

Sometimes it is just absently playing with Jaemin’s fingers, hands pressing at his back or just touching the hem of the shirt as a reminder to have him close that makes Jaemin go crazy.

Like right now, Jaemin is laughing, back pressed on the mattress as soon as they got home on a Friday night ready to watch a horror movie, Jeno’s pick tonight.

Jeno is tickling him as revenge for Jaemin teasing too much the entire evening at the cafè, where Jeno spilled his cup of coffee all over the table and the coffee shop’s floor, leaving the poor newbie Park Jisung to clean it all under Jeno’s sorry stare.

“Okay, okay I get it! I’ll stop making fun of you” Says Jaemin out of breath, playful punches against Jeno’s chest until the black haired boy stops, hands on both sides of Jaemin’s head.

“If only you knew how beautiful you look right now Nana” Jeno’s thought sounds exactly like him now, it has his voice and it makes Jaemin’s heart jump with fondness.

“You keep saying I’m beautiful all the time Lee, your crush is showing” Jaemin is not sure he’s teasing anymore, voice low and shy under Jeno’s beautiful eyes piercing his.

Jeno widens them for a moment, knees resting so he’s now straddling Jaemin who’s still laying on the mattress, a kind of intimacy they never shared. It’s new, Jaemin loves it.

“Did I say it out loud?” Jeno asks and Jaemin holds his waist to bring himself up against the end of the bed, half sitting with Jeno straddling him.

“No you didn’t” Jaemin stares at Jeno, his shiny eyes so endearing under the dim lights of his bedroom “I’m gonna tell you something that sounds a bit absurd, it’s your choice to believe me or not”.

“What is it?” Jeno looks around the room briefly “Is it something weird? I don’t mind”.

Jaemin trusts him. There’s no place for embarrassment anymore, he’s been sharing so much of himself to Jeno and it feels natural, like he needs to give him some parts of his heart and mind, thinking they will be in the right hands, the ones of someone who genuinely cares about him.

“Think of something you would like to tell me, don’t say it out loud” Jaemin whispers, thumb pressing at Jeno’s mole under his eye.

“The times I say you’re beautiful are nothing compared to the times I think of it”

Jaemin smiles, wide and happy it makes him want to tear up.

“I know Jeno, I heard all the times you’ve been thinking about it. I can hear you when you do it”.

Jeno looks lost, holding Jaemin’s hand on his cheek, never leaving his eyes.

“How is that possible? Can you hear me right now?”

“I can, I have a gift I’m still trying to learn how to put into the right use”.

“I might not talk ever again, from how long have you been listening to me?” Jeno is so red he’s never seen him like this before.

“I can hear others' thoughts since I was 16. And please talk to me”.

“That’s crazy” Jeno finally speaks, but he’s whispering “Are you the first person in your family who can do something like this?”.

“Apparently my grandmother could hear ghosts’ thoughts. No one believed her and it's a uncomfortable topic during family gatherings” Chuckles Jaemin. 

It’s understandable, Jaemin is lucky to hear people alive. So he can gain their trust, prove he’s not lying. Even if he thinks for a moment Jeno might have believed him even if his case was the same as his grandmother.

“Does your head hurt when you’re in crowded places? Do you hurt because of it?”.

Jaemin holds both of Jeno’s hands, a soft gaze when the boy's chest meets his, leaning on him.

“Can we hug?”

Jaemin laughs, hands circling around Jeno’s waist.

“This is the first time someone asks me if my gift hurts me” Jaemin light presses against Jeno’s ear “I guess that’s what makes you special. You always makes sure I'm okay”.

“Can’t help it” Mumbles Jeno “You know, recently you were saying things that always looked like answers to my thoughts, I was sure they were coincidences, guess I was wrong”.

Jaemin squeezes his eyes, of course he did. Recently every thought sounds exactly like Jeno, he has a hard time to know if he talked or not, especially when he was not watching Jeno’s lips moving to confirm it.

“It’s because they sound like you, usually I can’t hear the owner’s voice”.

“Why can you hear mine?”

Jaemin caresses Jeno’s thighs and feels them shaking under his touch, giving his stomach a funny twist at the way his body reacts.

“It happens with the people I’m closest to. I can hear Donghyuck, Mark and Renjun, even Yeeun now” Jeno raises his head back so he can face Jaemin, bodies still glued together. 

“This is the first time I can hear someone’s inner voice so clearly, like I can’t really recognize your thoughts from your voice if I can’t see you”.

Jaemin’s breath hitches when Jeno shifts closer grinding down at his lower area, hands latching behind the black haired boy, eyes never leaving each other as Jeno tries again.

This time it has an intention, one that takes a breathy attempt of talking out of Jaemin, who meets back his hips.

“Close your eyes” Whispers Jeno and Jaemin does as he’s told, hands sliding on Jeno’s hips helping him grind against his crotch.

“Does it feel good?” Jeno thinks and Jaemin nods, the layers of clothes growing suffocating on his skin.

“Are you okay with this?” Breaths out Jaemin, eyes still closed.

“I’ve been thinking about it since we were in the coffee shop” Admits Jeno, bucking his hips against him when Jaemin reaches for his ass, grabbing the skin there and Jeno is so reactive, trying to reach even closer.

Jaemin opens one of his eyes full of mirth “Is that why you spilled the coffee?”.

“Always fucking teasing” Jeno rolls his hips and Jaemin’s brain is processing a loop of “What the fuck Lee Jeno”.

“That was good, shit”, He says instead.

“I want you Jaemin”.

“Say it out loud” Jaemin opens his eyes, grazing the other’s lips with his own, Jeno’s cheeks of a faint blush and eyes glistening with want.

“How do you know I was only thinking about it?” Jeno gulps, wanting to close the thin distance between them but Jaemin slightly detaches, eyes not sure where to focus. 

“Because I know people usually don’t ask this verbally” Jaemin threads a cold hand under Jeno’s shirt, pleased at the smooth skin there filling with goosebumps.

Jaemin is a weak man he realizes, sighing when Jeno instead goes for his jawline, leaving a kiss there. Another one at the corner of his mouth, his breath against his lips and an intoxicating proximity blurring his brain like a fever dream.

“Would you give me the honor to fuck me?” Whispers Jeno so close to his lips they touch with every word he pronounces.

Jaemin snorts, thinking he ruined the moment but his legs tremble and Jeno’s eyes are darker, he never seen him like this and it does something to his stomach (and to a less poetic extent it also does something to his dick).

It’s fast. Jaemin actually never thought their first kiss -excluding the countless times he was pondering about the possibility of it happening or not- would be this desperate, his tongue immediately sliding in Jeno’s open mouth, content sigh leaving the boy’s lips as he kisses back with the same want and rush, like a sublime high feeling.

Jeno is a good kisser, it’s hard to experience it fully when it gets interrupted by discarding clothes on the floor and touching themselves in every part daylight doesn’t usually expose them.

Horror movie long forgotten, Jaemin fucks Jeno fast and deeply filling the empty space of the apartment with their moans, abandoning themselves to each other not really thinking about what this means. Jaemin is surprised their relationship takes this turn so suddenly.

If the night before looked like a vivid scene of his deepest fantasies Jaemin thinks this morning he might be experiencing some astral projection kind of shit he learned in class a few days before.

His astral body apparently is a very horny one. And what a sight it is experiencing.

Jeno has messy hair smashed on the pillow, eyes still filled with sleep and legs hugging Jaemin waist, panting with each slow and deep trust Jaemin takes inside him.

“Feels good” He says, body hot flash, kissing and biting Jaemin’s neck weakly, limbs still sore from the night before.

He leaves another red mark there, taking his precious time sucking and biting more gently to ease the small rushes of pain Jaemin doesn’t mind, loving the way the soft lips are attached to his skin, like they belonged there all this time.

They look at each other and Jaemin cups Jeno’s cheek, falling into a languid kiss. Jaemin's conception of time in that moment makes it feel like it’s so long he’s not sure he should move inside Jeno again.

Something inside him screams this is not only some lazy morning sex, there’s something attaching them emotionally trying to reach the surface they’re both ignoring.

“Are you okay?” Jeno kisses him again, drowsy tongues wet making their lips shine with saliva. 

“Was listening to your thoughts” 

Jeno’s legs crawl even higher on Jaemin’s waist, pushing him closer to his body he trusts in him again. Jeno makes the smallest sounds complimenting the shy rays of sun lighting his perfect naked body Jaemin thinks it deserves its own religion.

“And what do they say?” Jeno trusts up meeting Jaemin’s hips, getting him to continue.

“That you’re so damn filthy” Jaemin’s laugh ends up in a moan, the bed creaking under them as they set a faster pace “But I’m glad you’re comfortable”.

Jaemin smiles and moves so he can be the one under Jeno and the boy raises his eyebrow, hand tracing Jaemin’s flat and toned stomach. Jeno also thinks Jaemin is a liar saying his body is not that great when his hands are tracing at his defined abdomen.

“You heard that, hm? This is fun”.

“You’re enjoying my gift too much, I feel used” Jaemin rolls his eyes dramatically and Jeno laughs, hair a mess, lips swollen and neck bruised. He’s still the most beautiful man he’s ever seen under the exposing sunlight of the room. A bold statement made by beauty wanting to express herself at its purest form through a human body of a twenty year old boy.

“So? Are you actually going to ride me like you’ve been thinking all confidently or not?”.

Jeno sinks down on Jaemin’s length, setting a much faster pace that has them coming way too soon, free of the pressure that needed to be released, now even more tired than how they woke up.

\--

“I’m sorry--” Renjun clears his throat from almost choking on the glass of water Jaemin offered him a few seconds prior “You did what?”. 

When Renjun asked Jaemin how things were going with Jeno the last thing he expected was to know they had sex. Saying he was shocked to the core is a weak statement.

Jaemin is unsure it even is real. When Jeno left after that evening and Jaemin woke up the next day with the smell of the other’s body gel still imprinted on his pillow he realized it was very much real. He tells Renjun, whose eyes are just wide and blinking, trying to absorb the information.

Donghyuck is doing an assignment, an amused smile at the corner of his lips clearly to indicate he is listening to them.

Life goes pretty much the same. Jaemin attends classes, spends endless evenings at the library complaining and trying to absorb most of what he writes in his messy notes, and goes out with Mark and Donghyuck who became official not too long ago. 

The only twist is Jeno sometimes warming his bed occasionally at night. They hang out exactly like they used to and are friendly to each other. He hears Jeno thinking he’s content like this so even if the lack of that security of having Jeno for himself kicks in whenever he sees someone eyeing or flirting Jeno up, Jaemin thinks it’s fine as well.

Yeeun is much louder and painfully giving Jeno trouble now that she knows what goes on between them. She warns Jaemin all the time, to not compromise his friend’s “pretty soul” and albeit the irony Jaemin hears she’s worried.

He’s not sure what’s troubling her, maybe she’s not too content with them fooling around like this when Jeno might want something more. He’s not sure he wants it from Jaemin though.

Jaemin knows Jeno’s endearing, a company too addicting and comfortable to deny and the way his heart jumps in his chest or his stomach turns with just a gentle smile from the boy makes him think he might be more invested than the faint crush he thought he initially had.

Jaemin wonders if now that Jeno knows about his gift if he’s being more careful with his thoughts. He can’t tell and it’s not something to worry about right now at another friday night at their usual club, chugging down shots just for the sake of being drunk and reckless when the night seems to have an uneasy start.

Yeeun keeps glaring at Jeno and for a split moment he hears her thinking “This is not going to end well” when she watches Jeno sneaking an arm around Jaemin’s waist. Or maybe he’s just already tipsy and it wasn’t Yeeun.

“Hey” Says Jeno lowly against his ear, back hugging and caging Jaemin against the counter where he was sharing drinks with Mark.

“Hi baby” Jaemin’s breath hitches when Jeno bites at his lobe, hands grabbing the boy’s ones around his middle.

“How much did you drink?” There’s mirth in his eyes when Jeno kisses his jaw.

“Not that much, it’s nice to keep you close”.

That’s exactly what fucks Jaemin up. Jeno says stuff like these, sweet and sounding so sincere he’s not sure they actually mean something or he’s just trying to persuade Jaemin into slipping inside his bed tonight.

They’re not particularly romantic other than some heavy flirting that turns out more like teasing. Jaemin is gentle with Jeno, except when they’re stripped of clothes and the other does not need gentleness. Each one of their encounters are friendly, sometimes some longing touches happen and he assumes are caused by the nature of their relationship.

Jaemin faces Jeno and lets himself be caged by his touchy hands, a press of lips at the boy’s throat when he stumbles closer. Mark raises his hands and sighs an exasperated “I’m leaving”.

“Wanna dance?”.

If Jeno’s looks are dangerous early in the morning, when he almost falls asleep on the bus seat with his high cheekbones pressing against the cold window then at past midnight, a black tank top and glistening eyes under the dim colorful lights of the club Jaemin thinks he’s lethal.

There’s not much space from where they’re trying to dance on the dance hall, bodies annoyingly pressing against them but once his arms find their place secured on Jeno’s slim waist he thinks it’s not that bad.

Jeno is a bit too drunk, he realizes from the way his hands try to attach at Jaemin’s broad shoulder, swinging and not really dancing to the beat of the crazy edm music. It has been a tough week for everyone.

“I really like your shoulders” Jeno rests his chin on Jaemin’s right one, trying to leave a mark there but he ends up pressing his nose against his neck, much to Jaemin’s amusement.

“Okay” He chuckles and this time Jeno aims for the right spot, taking Jaemin by surprise initiating a languid kiss that has his knees almost weak, considering it’s better to stay still when Jeno is barely standing on his feet.

Jeno’s mouth is warm, his tongue slowly hitting the roof of his mouth, twirling around his own and there’s nothing Jaemin can complain about.

“Why aren’t you dancing?” Whines drunk Jeno and Jaemin’s heart drops like that.

“We are, see?” He swings them gently, hand tracing Jeno’s cheek “Dollface, you’re very much drunk”.

“I’m not” Jeno’s hands slide against his sticky skin from the heat under his white simple t-shirt, until they reach his belt and tugs at it with his fingers.

Jaemin hums, rolling his eyes and taking Jeno’s hands in his own “Is everything okay?”.

Jeno stumbles inside Jaemin’s room, shoes long forgotten at the entrance and Jaemin manages to at least get him out of his skinny jeans before he crashes inside the bed.

As much as he hates it, Jaemin doesn’t want to leave Jeno alone and avoids even washing up, crawling under the duvet next to the handsome sleepy boy.

“Why did you drink so much?” He whispers, hands moving to the side Jeno’s messy fringe, hand resting to cup his face.

“I’m stressed”, Jeno says.

“Just kiss me, I hate it like this, I’m not sure where everything is going I need you to hold me. Maybe you shouldn’t kiss me” Jeno thinks.

“Jeno” Jaemin stomach feels like it’s going through a rollercoaster, the hand around his face now loose, uncertain of what to do “You can talk to-”

“I’m gonna sleep” Jeno tortures his bottom lip, turning on the other side so his back is facing Jaemin, a clear sign he should not push more.

“Alright” Sighs Jaemin, watching Jeno’s upper body rising and going down from his steady breath. “Let me know if you feel sick or anything”.

When Jaemin wakes up Jeno is hugging him.

\--

“I used your shower” Jeno’s morning voice is rough and struggling to come out as Jaemin eyes are squeezing trying to adjust to the bright light of his room.

He nods, carefully glancing at Jeno’s arm resting casually around his middle before holding the hand resting there, tracing the back of it. He raises his eyes looking at Jeno, trying to hear him.  
“Maybe I should go home, Hyuck might not want people around the house and you said you have a test in two days”.

“He’s with Mark. I like it when you stay here, we could eat lunch together”.

Jeno presses at one of Jaemin’s hickeys he gave him the night before, staring silently at him. Jaemin doesn’t know what to do, if he should hug him, kiss him, he knows something doesn’t seem right and he wants that ugly feeling to go away.

“I shouldn’t, I really shouldn’t but you make it so damn hard to back out”.

Jeno kisses him. It’s desperate, there’s something stressful in the way he rushes to take Jaemin’s shirt off as they kiss, the way he grabs his waist so he can hover him.

Jeno rests his hands on Jaemin’s chest, moaning when Jaemin moves against his lower parts, the friction even clearer when they’re only wearing boxers, back at doing whatever they're good at, trying to bring that feeling out of his chest. Jeno keeps kissing him, eyes shut and legs opening further for Jaemin to rest between him, Jaemin scanning the boy’s face. 

He feels strange around his heart, clenching as he keeps going, not sure how to touch Jeno when he always knows what to do and how to make him feel well, that’s all he really cares about. Jeno seems to want him, at the same time reluctance reeks out of him, hurting Jaemin's recent fragile emotions. 

He tries to set a more languid pace to their kiss, Jeno’s heartbeat furious against his chest, gaining a whine when his hand grabs at the skin of his inner thigh, caressing it until it reaches his knee to move the boy’s leg around his waist--

“I’m sorry! I need to stop, we need to stop” Jeno pushes his hands with force against Jaemin's chest detaching from him, quickly sitting on the bed panting. Jaemin detaches even further from the surprise, confusion all over his face and sadness to see Jeno jump away from him like he burnt him.

“Hey” Jaemin is about to reach his hand to caress Jeno’s face but he decides against, fumbling with his nervous fingers “What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”.

He notices Jeno’s eyes are watery and wonders if that’s the reason why he was keeping them shut. His hands are trembling when Jeno gestures between them.

“We keep doing this” Jeno bites his lips nervously, arms unconsciously hugging his bare upper body and Jaemin feels nauseous at the idea -and the image right in front of him- of Jeno being clearly uncomfortable around him.

“You… started it? I understand if you don’t want to continue really--”

“Yeah and you never reject me” Jeno sounds snappy, interrupting Jaemin and looking at everything in the room but him.

Jaemin face twitches with deep commotion, why is it about him reacting at something they’ve been doing for a while now. Hell he even started some of their kisses that ended up into having sex after the first time Jeno intiated it. 

He asked if it was okay, they kept continuing without really talking about it, avoiding the topic that was right under their touches, pressed lips and bodies and yet this is the first time they’re facing it. Jaemin starts to understand the consequences of delaying feelings, his hopes fading with the way Jeno looks defensive. Maybe he was wrong.

“And is that a problem? I-- thought we both like it” There’s clear hurt in his voice and Jeno senses it, shifting uncomfortably on the bed, his trousers now in hand.

“I’m sorry. I, I really can’t do casual, I feel wrong and dirty, it can’t keep going” Jeno’s lips are trembling. Jaemin’s stomach drops, throat dry and he really hates the stinging feeling at the corner of his eyes. 

“Wait, what do you mean it can’t keep going?” Jaemin this time tries to get closer to Jeno but he gets up, jumpy as he dresses up quickly. 

“Jeno please talk to me, it’s just me! You can trust me”.

“You already know how it is Jaemin, I’m sorry. I really need to go now”.

Jaemin never thought heartbreak would sound like a gently closed door and immense silence of a Saturday morning. 

He sits there until he realizes he’s crying. Hot and heavy tears falling on his hands, the emptiness of a house too small and shoulders shaking with the ugly sobs he allows himself to cry out.

It’s not really about rejection, it’s about having someone you’ve been building up something good with running from you. What does he already know? Jaemin was never good to decipher Jeno’s thoughts, or maybe he really has that possibility, that absurd answer that’s been lingering there for a while.

“Hey I saw Jeno leaving like two minutes ago and he was acting so weird… are you crying?”.

Jaemin doesn’t even hear Donghyuck barging into his room happily before his smile falls, sitting behind Jaemin on the bed and resting his chin on his friend’s shoulder.

“Is it about him?”.

Jaemin gives him a weak nod and that’s all it takes for Donghyuck to hug him tightly. Jaemin lets himself fall apart, it is his best friend, he knows he can safely sink and he’ll manage to give him the strength to face the surface again.

It was them two, before anyone else, meant to be there for an indefinite amount of time of their lives and Jaemin is glad Donghyuck is here right now.

\---

It’s no secret that Jaemin feels like shit, to a lack of better words. And it’s no secret the reason why is Jeno.

Mark figures it the moment he visits Donghyuck at their apartment and watches the way Jaemin stares at his coffee, eyes empty with scary dark circles.

To an extent, Jaemin feels pathetic to be this miserable over a boy. But said boy happens to be Jeno, sweet Jeno that undermined inside his brain, heart, skin, so deeply he deflated like the saddest of the balloons that are sold in carnivals.

Maybe it is an accurate way to describe himself right now. A sad balloon, with his bright yellow sweater Donghyuck forced him to wear because “You already smell like sadness, at least get colorful”, he told him that morning when he was opting for another black shirt.

The library never felt more chaotic, his eyes closed and hands in fists asking his brain to stop hearing other voices, his inner one already giving him a hard time.

Jaemin sighs on his incomprehensible notes, hand resting on his hands and eyes looking out the window when the image in front of his eyes makes him smile a little for the first time in a week and a half. He grabs his stuff and rushes to leave.

“Hey!” He says a bit out of breath when he runs with his heavy books trying to reach the brown haired boy, who turns with eyebrows raising in surprise.

“You’re up for a date?” Jaemin asks, cheeks red and the handsome boy in front of him gives him his dimpled smile, looking around for good measure.

“Na Jaemin asking me out? In this economy?” Jaehyun points at himself and laughs “Where do you wanna go pretty boy”.

“Somewhere that has no Renjun… or people we know”.

Jaehyun makes a face, sighing dramatically “So you’re really that ashamed of me, I see”.

Jaemin grins and shakes his head incredulously “idiot, you know it’s not like that”.

He lowers his head, smile falling when the reality of why he’s asking Jaehyun in first place kicks in “I think I really need a friend to talk to”.

Jaehyun gives him an understanding look, a bit serious for a while and decides to break it into one of his endearing smiles. Jaemin knows they make the whole faculty fall for him “Let’s go then”.

He grabs his hand in his and starts confidently walking towards their destination.

“Are you serious? I don’t think I need more alcohol” Scoffs Jaemin entering the fancy looking terrace Jaehyun brought him, the view of the city making him feel lost in his smallness.

“Silly we’re not going to drink, it’s just that you definitely deserve a nice view and literally the best appetizers ever”.

“The sign says ‘happy hour’, you’re not fooling me” Jaemin follows him anyway.

Jaehyun’s eyes are gleaming and the way he looks so at ease and free of problems makes Jaemin turn the corner of his lips up into a small smile, envying him. He also can’t avoid thinking Jaehyun looks embarrassingly beautiful under the golden hour sky and light, looking elegant with his beige sweater, skinny jeans and boots.

Suddenly Jaemin feels, actually he is, underdressed.

“Everything and everyone looks so fancy here” He whispers, getting closer to where Jaehyun is standing, arms on the railing watching the city unfold into skyscrapers, smog and busy people all following their unknown path, still managing to have its own crowded charm. 

It makes Jaemin wonder how Jeno is doing, it’s been hard to avoid him when the thought of him is always so persistent to present itself no matter how much Jaemin wants to ignore it. He understands he needs to be alone right now, even if not seeing him hurts and confuses him more.

“Let me ask for a table” Jaehyun’s hand rests on his back before going inside the restaurant.

\--

Jaehyun is right. They really serve the best food Jaemin has ever tasted, after his mother’s of course. 

It also helps that Jaemin is a fan of appetizers and fruit smoothies, filling the atmosphere of a nice evening with someone he trusts but isn’t as present in his life at this moment. And maybe it is what Jaemin needs to open up and be honest for once.

Jaehyun is laughing at the memory of his first flirting attempt to senior year Jaemin, who already knew about the boy’s intentions.

“I can’t believe you never told me you knew everything, it makes me cringe whenever I see you” He laughs.

“You don’t seem like someone who’s cringing right now” Jaemin eats a piece of buttered bread with salmon “And to be fair, if I had the confidence back then I would have told you it didn’t even take something like my gift to understand what you were trying to do”.

His smile is cheeky when Jaemin notices Jaehyun’s ears are red as he sips on his juice. A small victory.

“At least I tried to do it properly not too long ago” Jaehyun eyes Jaemin “But you were already so caught up on straight Jeno. Well who ended up not being straight”.

Jaemin's smile falls, index finger tracing around the glass of his drink, focusing on the clink of glasses and the chatter around them.

“What happened between you two? You look sad Nana”.

“I don’t even know where to start” Jaemin hates how his voice breaks before he can even talk about it. Jaemin has been avoiding what hurts him the most, it’s easier to suffer in silence compared to how hurt he would be actually facing Jeno to get probably the most painful rejection of his short life.

“Also” Jaemin clears his throat “Is it okay to talk about it with you? I feel like I’m being selfish”.

“Honestly Jaemin” Jaehyun takes his hand, grip loose enough for Jaemin to free from it if he wants to “Not to be a narcissist or anything but I don’t need to read people’s minds to know you are in fact attracted to me, excluding your current feelings for someone else”.

Jaemin presses his lips together avoiding to smile, even if it might be a slightly sad one.

“But you were already so caught up with Jeno even after talking to him one time and it’s been long enough to let go. I already understood why you didn’t want to when your friendship with Mark was your only concern” Jaehyun sighs, but it’s not a sad or disappointed sigh, it feels more like he’s gathering his words.

“The point is, I want to be your friend”.

“You’re my friend” Jaemin’s voice is small and Jaehyun is tracing his thumb on the back of his hand, a different kind of warmth. The one the smells of years passing, growing up and something completely different from Jeno. Of friendship. Jeno was never meant to be a friend.

“I am Mark’s brother who used to pick you up from school. But I can be an actual friend to you. A friend that doesn’t care how long it takes for you to tell me about this Jeno boy, we have the whole night”.

So Jaemin tells him. About Yeeun's weird thoughts about them and the conversation they had that one night at the club where Jaehyun met her. How Jeno came out to him, their first kiss ended up in heated sex that kept going for more than a month. Jaehyun is surprised, probably not expecting they had this much going on.

Jaemin is honest when he opens about the tenderness of the days where they weren’t stripped of clothes, how he started longing for something he couldn’t ask Jeno with the way their relationship became. From the way he enjoyed just holding Jeno close at night, hearing him thinking Jaemin cooks the best food and that he likes to stay at his apartment just for the sake of spending more time with him to the realization that he does too.

“Shit” Jaemin breaths out “I’m in love with Jeno”.

“Oh you do” Jaehyun shakes his head, a faint smile at the distraught younger boy “Then just confess, I can’t see what went wrong here”.

“We had a fight, sorta. I think we did” Jaemin opens his mouth to answer finding Jaehyun’s raised eyebrow at him “We were being intimate. The other day, he snapped at me”.

“What did he say?”.

“That he can’t do this” Jaemin raises his hands in the air letting them fall on his lap, eyebrows furrowed. “I felt awful, he looked uncomfortable and said he can’t do this, he can’t do casual and that I already know. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to know!”.

Jaemin's voice gets higher with exasperation and Jaehyun's eyes flashes with brief panic, looking around at the other tables noticing no one is really paying attention to them, glad for the music now playing mildly on the terrace.

“Dear god” Jaehyun puts a hand on his chest “First of all, I don’t think he was ever uncomfortable with you. I think you’re both struggling with the same problem”.

“Which is?” Jaemin wants to smash his head on the perfect glass table.

“Being dishonest with what you really want from your relationship! From what you’re telling me Jeno doesn’t look like someone who likes to fool around, of course he doesn’t like doing casual things. Hell, this might be the first time he does it just so he can stick with you” Jaehyun rubs his eyes “And I think you know that too”.

A tiny part of Jaemin is aware of it. The tiniest, microscopic part that has the confidence to believe someone like Jeno, a blessing of the brightest star, wants to be walking side by side with him. It makes sense really, Jeno was trying to make these unspoken friends with benefits things just to appease Jaemin’s obvious lack of commitment skills and he bottled up everything until you can’t do anything else but explode.

Jaemin feels bad, hurting Jeno was everything he did not want, ending up hurting himself as well in the journey.

Jaemin can read Jeno’s mind, has heard tender words no one ever elaborated for him. Jeno’s brain is a constant tray of compliments, small appreciations whenever Jaemin does something and so many times his mind has asked to have him closer, to stay longer pressed together in a hug, to not let go of Jaemin’s hand.

Jeno is right, Jaemin already had the key to get it. He feels so stupid for not wanting to notice what was there, clear and out to be taken seriously, which Jaemin without any bad intentions didn’t.

“I’m an idiot” Jaemin finally concludes, almost in a whisper that Jaehyun who was attentively waiting for an answer, makes him scoff sounding more like an incredulous laugh.

“Is it bad if I agree?” Tries the older boy and Jaemin shakes his head, looking at his empty glass.

“Maybe we should have a drink” Concludes Jaemin, head heavy with thoughts of Jeno and the urge to solve this whole mess.

“Or four” Jaehyun tries to get the waiter's attention so they can order.

“An idiot” Jaemin tells himself again.

\--

Jaemin finds himself breathless, literally, on a wednesday morning when Jeno opens his apartment door and almost closes it again by the shock of seeing him.

“Wait!” He rushes, hand almost hitting Jeno when the black haired boy who looks as sad as he does decides against the tempting idea of closing the door on Jaemin’s face.

Jeno looks miserable. So does Jaemin, and he clearly isn’t sure if that reassures him or makes it even hard to accept the way he hurt both of them for being slow at catching up with his feelings.

He’s quiet, awfully quiet and Jaemin is sure he is taking a few seconds too long to speak and if he doesn’t rush the boy he loves will really slam his door shut in front of his face.

“There’s something I need to tell you” Jaemin takes a big breath he doesn’t even let out “If you let me. I will really appreciate it if you do”.  
Jeno looks lost, evidently awkward when he shifts to the side so Jaemin can come inside the apartment. This is not the first time he went there.

It looks a bit messier, Jeno’s roommate -Sungchan if Jaemin remembers correctly- is supposed to be at his house for a month. A family emergency. 

Jaemin guesses he still hasn’t come back from the amount of his personal stuff just laying everywhere in the room and from the cathartic silence very similar to the one Jaemin feels when he’s alone without Donghyuck in sight.

“You can sit” Jaemin gets startled from Jeno’s voice finally speaking, breaking that haze of fears temporarily to focus on the black haired boy sitting on the couch.

Jeno is thinking various things at the moment. The couch sucks, they still need to change it, he's just waiting for Sunghcan to be back so they can finally replace it. Yeeun would kill him if she knows about this encounter, she’s very mad at both of them. Jeno misses him. He thinks it is absurd how uncomfortable it is so Jaemin should start talking or Jeno is not sure he can handle all of this.

“Thank you” Jaemin clears his throat sitting next to Jeno, his hands joining together before he looks up to face him.

Jeno gestures to him to talk.

“Okay, alright” His hands are sweaty so he tries to dry them on his worn out sweatpants, feeling extremely not confident in his looks but Jaemin really had the urge to get up from where he was moping on his bed and come here. 

The fact he looks like shit doesn’t help him but it’s Jeno, he’s seen him in numerous conditions and he accepted all of them for now.

“I’ve been thinking a lot. And I miss you too, sorry for hearing that. This is absurd, right?” Jaemin huffs “I have such a gift and yet I’m an idiot for not figuring anything out at the right time. For not being able to allow myself some honesty, and a clear view of what was, and a part of me still hopes is, going on between us”.

Jeno is nervously tugging at his lips, eyes sad and empty. Jaemin really wants to hug him and get over with the difficult part, albeit necessary.

“I’m hurt Jeno. For causing you discomfort, even if you always let your heart open for me. In my defense I can say it is very hard to read you, a mind can think a whole lot but it will never be in tune with a heart, that’s why I’ve been so hesitant. Didn’t want to be too hopeful just to end up letting myself down”.

Jaemin looks at his pale hands, a small smile and a blush anticipating his next words “You told me I already knew everything, I do” He meets Jeno’s nervous eyes, a bit wide at the new information “And even if it hurts I’m glad you had the courage to snap at me because I found myself realizing that I can’t do casual if it comes to you. I love you Jeno, sorry if it took a while to realize it. I know I might have missed the chance, but I was afraid. I really found myself longing for something I thought I could never have, and I’ve been hiding in what our relationship was. It’s okay if the feeling is not mutual. I just needed to tell you”.

He can’t face Jeno, all this bravery to end up staring at his hands with his heart beating loud in his lungs.

“You can’t be serious” Jeno says so quietly it is almost imperceptible, if it wasn’t for the stillness of the apartment. It makes Jaemin raise his head and stare right at the boy, gulping loudly.

Then Jeno laughs. Jaemin’s eyes are watering by now, completely lost as the boy he loves gives him one of his beautiful eye smiles he deeply missed.

“Jaemin, do I even have to say it out loud?” He says, voice lively and his hand resting on Jaemin’s knee.

“Yes please” Jeno stares at him suspiciously, getting closer to the boy’s face “Don’t you already know?”.

Jaemin hopes from the way Jeno’s reacting there might be a positive outcome. He doesn’t want to get too hopeful, Jeno misses him but he could just want their friendship back and nothing more. He will be fine with that, a world without Jeno has been a pity to survive.

“I’m trying not to hear your thoughts, I’m learning how to do it”.

“I like you, Nana. I already told you, having you so close but with the price of a very painful illusion, because at the end of the day you aren’t mine is hard to deal with. Unless you want me to change it”.

“I told you I love you” Jaemin smiles, a full one with all his teeth showing and cheeks almost hurting as he cuts their distance to have Jeno’s face even closer “It’s okay if you don’t yet. I’ll wait”.

“What can we do in the meanwhile, anything in mind?” Jeno lets Jaemin move him so he’s in his lap with arms fast secured around his neck.

“Be my boyfriend, I’m not the best option out there but I’ll try to be a good one” Jaemin’s cheeks now are officially hurting from smiling too much, Jeno bumping their noses together.

“Who knew the hot pink haired guy from my bus stop is now my boyfriend, Lee Jeno from three months ago is shocked”.

“It was you!” Says Jaemin excitedly shaking Jeno’s shoulders stunned in place by the amount of energy his boyfriend has “You were the person on the bus that was checking me out!”.

Jeno blushes “I noticed you a long time ago, I literally told Yeeun immediately when we talked for the first time” Jeno gasps “Shit! Yeeun”.

Jaemin clears his throat to have Jeno’s attention again, making a pout as he stares at the boy’s lips “Can we deal with our friends later?”.

“That we can” Jeno kisses him and Jaemin actually sighs into their mouths moving.

He missed him, the way Jeno’s warmth makes Jaemin melt against him, how his hands by memory caress at Jeno’s nape to his neck, letting his tongue slip in and twirl with the other.

It feels like an eternity since their last kiss, the sudden awareness they have all the time for this washing Jaemin’s body with relief. The realization that has Jaemin to stop kissing Jeno to hug him tightly, going down until they’re both laying on the couch.

“I can’t believe I can do this without having two existential crises a day” Humors Jeno and Jaemin presses his mouth against Jeno’s forehead in a gently kiss, keeping him even closer if that’s possible.

“I’ll make sure that won’t happen again baby, now we have all the time”.

“We really do”.

Jeno’s enamoured eyes sparkling with fondness are what really does it for Jaemin. He wonders if he looks the same, two lovesick fools finally together in the quietness of a malfunctioning university apartment.

They stop talking, Jeno light breaths are making him drowsy, the weight of the boy’s head on his chest warming his usual cold skin at winter’s door. It’s going to be December soon and the idea of walking hand in hand under Christmas lights ignites enthusiasm in his blood.

Jaemin thinks Jeno is asleep by now, realizing he’s wrong when said boy interrupts the sleepy silence.

“By the way, you know there’s an elevator right?”

“Oh shut up” Chuckles Jaemin.

\--

“Hello?” The metallic voice answers sweetly.  
“Have a happy Christmas eve, lover” Jaemin is laying against the kitchen door of the shared apartment with Donghyuck, smiling as he makes himself cozier in his lilac thick sweater, suitcase packed and the prospect of spending some days at his house, the whole family excited to have Jaemin back.

“You made me shy” Whines Jeno with the mellow voice he only allows Jaemin to hear, much to Yeeun disappointment who wants some sugary Jeno for herself.

She took it well, not even remembering about being mad at them when they held hands in front of her and told them about their relationship.

It has been fun so far. Having Jeno around at his place, the two of them very often alone due to Mark’s extra space at his apartment Donghyuck took as a literal invitation to unofficially move. Jaemin thinks it’s probably going to happen anyway and is mentally getting ready to find a new roommate.

They managed to walk under the colorful Christmas lights a few days prior, Jeno trying to contain Jaemin’s heart of a child as they were looking for some gifts for their families.

Jaemin knows it is hard when Jeno goes to visit his family and his heart felt like dripping gold when Jeno said that day out with Jaemin made it up for all he’s probably going through during his days home.

Jaemin’s mother only met him with a facetime call, useless to say Jeno’s charm got her too and she loves him. 

“I hope it will be a happy one baby” Jeno, albeit completely fond of Jaemin’s crackle metallic voice, sounds a bit distressed.

“It will! And remember in case you want to change the air, my mother is tingling to meet you” Jaemin gives out a little laugh that Jeno returns.

“Tell her I miss our calls! And I also look forward to meeting your family, they raised you. I have no doubts they’re all great”.

“You charmer, my aunts would go crazy for you”.

“Be careful Nana, I think I have to go soon” Jaemin can hear from Jeno’s line some rustling of probably plates and the organization of a Christmas dinner, nothing out of the ordinary.

“I love you. I will be careful”.

“I already miss you, it's unfair, what kind of effect you have on me Na” Jaemin can feel Jeno is smiling from where he’s talking on the phone “I love you, drive safely”.

Jaemin is about to answer but Donghyuck snatches his phone wildly “Yeah sweetheart, you two are adorable but I’ve been waiting for this one to get his ass out of the house so he can drive all of us home, merry Christmas pretty eyes”.

Jaemin opens his mouth in shock and backs up once Donghyuck has hung up and pushes his phone against Jaemin's chest, pointing narrow eyes at him.

“Move, you’re taking too long”.

\--

“I can’t even have a talk with my boyfriend, I’m not privileged like you bitches who live basically next to each other and are able to spend the holidays together”.

Complains again Jaemin once he’s out of their apartment, suitcase in hand and face freezing with the cold prickly winter air, immediately looking forward to segregating himself in the car, even if driving for three hours doesn’t sound as exciting.

The consequence of being the only one with a driving license.

Mark decides to spare some pain to Jaemin and get the front seat next to him with the promise of being the one choosing the songs for their trip back home.

Like it all started when they left high school to live a new experience out of home where their roots are, it has always been Jaemin, Donghyuck and Mark. They’re just kind of all grown up now, his closest friends are dating and still bickering like the old days never passed.

Jaemin drives and ignores Mark and Donghyuck discussing over something useless, thinking this might be the happiest he’s been in a while. Nothing really changed, but now with the knowledge he stores each year coming from a faculty he truly loves, he also has the prospect of coming back to Jeno, a boy half asleep on the bus that has changed Jaemin’s heart so drastically and for the better.

**Author's Note:**

> started: 7-10-2020  
> ended: 20-10-2020
> 
> thank you so much for reading! it means a lot :)
> 
> you can also find me here: [twitter](https://twitter.com/jen26do) ; [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/ir02ne)


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